Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
