Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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