I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a beard to bite.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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