I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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