i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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