just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
