just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
