If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you traded sex for a burrito?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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