She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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