is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
