just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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