if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
