if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize