This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
