Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
