Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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