Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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