i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize