Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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