Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
