I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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