I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
