I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
