You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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