LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
