turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
