Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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