I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize