We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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