I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
