"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
