the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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