well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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