we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
