He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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