If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
