it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
