just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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