If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
