I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
