the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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