Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
