then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
