just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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