are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
4 words: hood of his car
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
