You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
