I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
