She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
