Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
