I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
