I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
