She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
