Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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