This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
4 words: hood of his car
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize