the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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