Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
