I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
