i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
