The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I puked a lego.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
whose parrot is this?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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