I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
