I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
