Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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