I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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